I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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