I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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