At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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