had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize