she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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