He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enjoy the penises
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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