Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.

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(207): We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble. http://tfl.nu/c9ha

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I am a bulletproof tiger!

(615): View more from Tennessee

Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.

(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?

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(828): I am a bulletproof tiger! (615): Haha. Nice, be careful tonight. (828): I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat? http://tfl.nu/tz40

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(303): View more from Colorado

I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

(720): View more from Colorado

Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

(303): View more from Colorado

But what if I pay for the gas?

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(303): I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain. (720): Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic. (303): But what if I pay for the gas? http://tfl.nu/j2h0

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(806): View more from Texas

This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.

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(806): This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night. http://tfl.nu/k0hc

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(906): View more from Michigan

Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore

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(906): Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore http://tfl.nu/jxvu

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(541): View more from Oregon

Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?

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(541): Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone? http://tfl.nu/1eib

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(302): View more from Delaware

he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.

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(302): he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex. http://tfl.nu/7jw4

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(970): View more from Colorado

And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

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(970): And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out http://tfl.nu/oush

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(248): View more from Michigan

I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Totally get that.

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(248): I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend. (1-248): Totally get that. http://tfl.nu/ho2w

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(843): View more from South Carolina

My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"

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(843): My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF" http://tfl.nu/1req

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(615): View more from Tennessee

After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.

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(615): After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland. http://tfl.nu/h2ls

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(231): View more from Michigan

Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.

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(231): Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess. http://tfl.nu/xzef

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(347): View more from New York

Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.

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(347): Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times. http://tfl.nu/buvd

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(530): View more from California

Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it

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(530): Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it http://tfl.nu/avbb

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.

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(508): He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare. http://tfl.nu/rbhx

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