the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize