it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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