Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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