tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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