i wish my penis had a tongue
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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