i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
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I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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