Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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