im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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