every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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