Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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