Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize