God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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