I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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