Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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