if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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