To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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