Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize