I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize