The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
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Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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