I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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