we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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