I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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