i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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