Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize