Can Purell be used as lube?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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