That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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