I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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