I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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