Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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