If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize