Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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