the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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