you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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