After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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