I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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