Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize