allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize