oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
where does the pee come out of this thing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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