I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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