It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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