never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
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I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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