Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize