You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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